Friday, February 22, 2008

Uncertainty

Growing up I had always believed that I would have a career in the medical field. Throughout my life I valued a quality education and avoided temptation in order for me to achieve my goals of becoming a medical professional. Although I did my best to control my future, the fog of uncertainty always looms in the distance. It's amazing how 1 minute of your life can change not only your goals, but your life in general.

On November 12 of 2004, I was involved in a severe motor vehicle accident that left me injured. Although my memory isn't what it used to be this incident will forever be ingrained. I had decided that morning to drive to school early so that I could study for my Biology exam. A pedestrian decided to bolt across traffic during rush hour. He was lucky that I saw him well in advance in order to avoid hitting him, however I was not as lucky and got rear ended. Although I left the scene of the accident physically unscythed , I had suffered undetected wounds that still haunts me today.

I went to my exam feeling the rush of adrenaline from my accident, but was still confident enough to post a solid grade. Prior to my car accident, I was an extremely strong student, often placing near the top of my class. I had a strong GPA going into Biology that term. It came as a shock to me that I got a D on that exam, however I dismissed it as I blamed the distraction of my car accident. Yet, exam after exam, my grades did not improve. School had always been so easy for me that it was to the point of boredom, yet now I was working hard but not for A's...I was working hard to just pass now.

I spent the next 7 months in depression as I could not perform physically or mentally. It wasn't until July of the following year that I was properly diagnosed correctly by my physicians. In addition to the soft tissue damage I suffered, they determined that I suffered from a Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussive Disorder. That day marked the biggest change in not only my life but my recovery process.

After my car accident, it was obvious that I was not performing well mentally, yet other parts of my body were acting up. I was sweating profusely when it was still winter. I would not feel hungry after going all day without food. I would not know when to stop eating once food was in front of me. My brain could not regulate any of the normal processes at all.

The recovery process was long and hard. There was numerous road blocks ahead of me. Concerned about my future I asked my counselor what my options were, and she told me that sadly pharmacy school or any other medical school was out of the question because of my grades. What was the most frustrating is that I was misdiagnosed by my doctors, and had I been diagnosed properly I would have taken time away from school to salvage my GPA.

I don't know how many of you have worked so hard for something, only to be disappointed in the end. My friends were beginning to desert me, and my girlfriend even left me. For the first time in my life I hit rock bottom. There was nothing more I wanted in life, and unfortunately I put all my eggs into one basket. I lost my faith in the Lord and could not understand why he would test my faith in a way such as this.

Now any person could have just given up on life (and I was close), yet I couldn't let just 1 minute of my life dictate the rest of my life in such a negative manner. I focused hard on rehabbing and returning back to school better than ever. I had to accept the fact that although I may never be a Doctor or Pharmacist, that I still had many other skills. I returned back to Portland State in the fall of 2006 and although it was difficult, I fully recovered not only physically but mentally as well. Life was going great. I had an awesome job working for the Department of Homeland Security, my grades were back, and I was armed with a new outlook on life. I felt that if I could successfully recover from my accident, that I can tackle on any challenge thrown at me.



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